Agenda.

I feel corrupted, yet at the same time, a little free. I need something knew I keep checking in the mirror like somethings going to change but nothing. So I’m starting my own movement, and I need to get some writing on here, cause my notebooks starting to wave white tattered flags for a simply surrender from me. Now I’m not going to do anything crazy like shave my head or die my hair a crazy color, but I am going to work on a couple things. and this is my agenda.

1. BE BOLD.MORE RECKLESS AND DARING.

2. FINISH MY BOOK(S).

3. FRIENDS = IMPROVE MY REMAINING RELATIONSHIPS WITH WHOEVER IS LEFT, AND MEET BRAND NEW FRIENDS.

4.GET BOYS OUT OF THE WAY. EITHER NO BOYS AT ALL. OR START OVER NEW.

5. WORK ON MY APPEARANCE. INTRODUCE A NEW WARDROBE.

6.BRING GRADES UP. ASAP. DEFINITELY NOT A SCREW UP.QUIT ACTING LIKE ONE… MAKE TIME FOR SCHOOLWORK. ENOUGH SAID.

7. BRING THAT CONFIDENCE LEVEL UP. NO MATTER WHAT.

8. DO THINGS THAT HAVE NEVER BEEN DONE, AND TRY THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER TRY.

9. SPEND MORE TIME WITH FAMILY.CREATE A RELATIONSHIP WITH BROTHER,

10. STOP BEING SO DAMN LAZY, LIFE IS PASSING YOU BY.

11.PARTY.HARD.

12. WRITE A SONG THAT FALLS INTO THE CATEGORIES OF 

Mat Kearney – Dancing In The Dark and

Ron Pope – A Drop In The Ocean

13.STOP BEING SO AFRAID OF LIFE.

14. LOSE 20 LBS.

15. START TO CARE LESS ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK AND CARE MORE ABOUT YOURSELF.

16. GET BETTER AT SOFTBALL.

17. DO YOGA?

18. BE SOMETHING GREAT.

19. BE MORE OF A GIRL LESS TOMBOY.

20. FIND SOMEONE WHO APPRECIATES YOU FOR YOU.

 

THE END.

Options.

The week taking us by a surprise,
Watching the time, Oh how it flies,
Distance thickening the length between us,
Oh how I wish someone could free us,
Trees wavering in the winds,
Thoughts are what we call our sins,
People searching for reasons to live,
Hiding the feelings that lie within,
Wedges pushed between you and me,
I wish you had the patience to see,

People discovering things in their favor,
Writing people off for ill behavior,

Whispering wisdom in naiive ears,
Chances falling short of our custom,
People so wrong others wont trust um’,
Swollen from hurt,
Swallowed by pain,
No longer wanting to play such a game,
Conscience lingers in the back of your mind,
But due to the time you leave it behind.

Distant stories…

Distant stories from across the lands,
People walking hand in hand,
Wind causing your hair to dance,
Leaping in a wild prance,
Drawing in each fragile breath,
Not pondering on what lies ahead,
Summer scents fill the air,
The grass is blowing every where,
Children’s laughter following the wind,
Joy is no longer called a sin,
Joyful thoughts over flow,
Something some of us may never know.
-Ariana Granger

Aside

Crazy hair.

When your hairs a mess,
You must confess!,
That tying and twisting is a dread,
And you’d rather stay home in your bed!,
You walk the halls with a devilish scowl,
YOU WANT TO RIP YOUR HAIR OUT NOW!

Ha don’t judge me, I was having a bad hair day and this came to mind,
Read it aloud with some character , like a child’s poem and it’ll flow more. I yelled it a couple times to myself and got a good laugh out of it, Try it, it’s fun(:

I pass through …

I pass through the day mostly zoning,
Usually without anyone else really knowing,
But once in a while there is that person that seems to ask why,
And it’s usually not that one special guy,
And they ask you why you are hurting and where the pain originates from,
But you try to ignore the questions starting with a hum,
Working your way through lyric after lyric and song after song,
Trying to make the day move along,
People don’t understand,
They talk to me as a demand,
As my smile fades,
I start to walk away,
but then you grab my hand,
And pull me back again,
For you are what always matters in the end.

 

Aside

Curve Balls.

And when life continues to through curve balls at you where do you go from there?.

I feel as though I am standing in the middle of a dodgeball tournament without any way to protect myself… I feel vulnerable.

I think I am prepared to take on this full on juggling act with school, but when happens when I can’t do it anymore what happens when I fall and drop everything I’m juggling… I hate this.

Not only will I be disappointed in myself. But just speaking about this I can feel the disappointment of everyone who sees this.

Right when I’m wicked stoked about something, I get shot done.

But this time, I really will try my best. And If it doesn’t work…. I don’t know what I’ll do, but I’ll keep moving forward….. Hopefully.

I feel as though I have the worst luck in the world? And supposedly there is Irish in me? What is this.

I need a juggling lesson.

I know god doesn’t give you what you can’t handle and that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger but do I really need to learn all of the lessons all in freshman year….. or is there away around this?

Definitely and possibly way in over my head.

Definitely feeling a tad inadequate ,

But I can’t keep holding myself back.

LITERALLY NO MORE TIME FOR ANYTHING ELSE !

This could end very badly…. or really good.

Either way I am going out swinging.

 

Aside

Hope in that of which is forbidden.

I can’t describe the feeling I get when he walks into the room,
My heart beat varies into a spastic irregular 90 mile per hour beat,
And tingling nerves shoot from my hands down to my feet,
But every time we talk the nervousness disappears, and afterwards I can’t help but feel…. delighted,
His intelligence throws me off guard and yet his childishness is his most inviting quality,
I stay in one place because he is there, I see him maybe once a day sometimes once a week and yet that fixes my cravings for him,
He listens to me as if I were the last person he’d ever talk to, I can’t help but foolishly gaze upon him with a new curiosity.Yet I try not to think about him often for I know he could never be mine,
I can extend every inch of my body down to the last digit reaching for him and yet he is just out of reach,
I think about him often, yet not to point of being fixated on him. Again because the thought of not being able to have him always lingers as I picture his boyish face,
His smile is real, It’s more then genuine it is authentic.
Though with each good thought I tend to bury it with one bad one,
I am a fool. Even though I am well aware that what I want is forbidden love that I will never receive yet thoughts flirtatiously play with my emotions, I wonder, may if I were just a tad older, maybe if I we taller, prettier, skinnier, more intelligent, could I figure away around this cruel obstacle I  must face.
And then, I scold my self. As I have many times before, this love is what is formed from a wild imagination. And every sweet burning thought is soon doused out, for everything he does is a form of an obligation most likely put upon himself by himself. And every courteous gesture was just that, friendliness.

Aside

Happiness is in…

Happiness is in all real logic the key to madness,

This twisted chain we call our world is mainly consumed with sadness,

Babies are being born to insufficient mothers ,

Mothers still being children themselves and being those children are being broken down by all the others,

Various diseases are circling our earth,

Everything is trash these days nothing left but dirt,

Our  lives are turning back to the times that we’d call primitive,

Child now a days are nothing short of insensitive,

Smart phones are like the new cocaine,

Apps are what consumes the brain,

Cyber-bullying is on the rise,

Drugs and suicides are at all time highs,

Distance is building between childhood friends,

Relationships are coming to quick ends,

Everyone is more for sex then love,

And it seems like nobodies grades are ever above,

Child are screaming at the not of their lungs,

And teens are destroying the idea of youth,

To concentrated on being popular and not telling the truth,

The economy is failing us and its our job to fix it up,

Yet this generations filled of students that just give up,

Society is filled of women who are toothpicks and jerks,

And insecurities that sever connections between women and their skirts,

Depression has consumed half of society,

And the rest of the world is doomed by stupidity,

Yet as for me, I can see what is happening to this world,

School is my main focus now for the rest is all absurd,

I can only dream of the days where I am more than all this drama and all of this hurt,

For when I am older I want to share my words,

Give speeches to our youth and have children of my own,

Live in a house on the country side in an older looking home,

With a tire swing in the front yard,

And hopefully winter will come and bring the sweet surprise of snow,

My goals are to leave this big city and write books that make it to shelves of everyone I use to know,

And maybe become a teacher to give my knowledge to our future and tell them they aren’t alone,

Fall in love with the man of my dreams by just the word hello,

As for he and I we will grow old,

Read poetry to each other on rainy days and starry nights,

But I can only dream at the moment in hopes that my futures bright,

Because right now its all but well nothing but wrong,

And dreaming is the only thing that makes me feel alright,

For the nightmares that I’ve had for weeks have finally gone away,

And now I tend to do more things,

Because with wise words from my mother, you don’t know what the future will bring.

 

She wiped my face and dried my tears one night after another,

Then the said she will always be here for me because she is my mother,

She told me I will find a man who is my Mr.Perfect,

She talked of a man who would love the same things as I, And said the wait was worth it,

She fondled my hair and cradled me just as a mother should,

And shared with me the stories I hoped she always would,

That night we talked until I feel asleep and when I woke up again she was still beside me,

That’s the night I put the drama aside and focused on reality,

For if it was not for my mother I wouldn’t be here now,

I wouldn’t notice the things I do or know what is right from wrong,

If it wasn’t for my mother , I wouldn’t be so strong.

Aside

This life.

I am not dead yet I feel as though I could be,
I’m tired and my bones ache from what has become of me,
I wish I could show you all the things you can’t see,
Maybe then people would understand me,
I am not complaining of what life could be,
I am complaining about this life that others don’t see,
Because if others acknowledged me,
I would show them how the world could be,
A place with harmony and where no one needed to see,
Because everyone would understand the definition equality,
Yet I would not take away what makes what we call humanity,
But I would give to others what I call  harmony.

My Promise to You

Hold my hand and give me the pain,
You carry around on your shoulders each day,
If you’d let me I’d take you away ,
And fight off the evil  that consumes you in every way,
I’d help you leave behind the loneliness  that causes you distrust,
And I’ll give my word to God himself that what we have is not just lust,
We can walk this road together and hope simply for the best,
Let’s just fall down into love and forget about the rest,
Promise not to under mind the ability that I put fourth in front of you,
And I promise everything I say will be nothing short of true,
I am never near nor far enough to discontinue my love for you,
These words are simply the inception of I would call the truth,
In sickness and in health is what they always say,
But I will love you until I die,
And even past that day,
And when the sun shines on my face,
I’ll think of what to do ,
But the only thought I can seem to conjure,
Are always about you.

 

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